#26 - Top Three Underachievers of the Fruit World and Two Foods That I Would Always Eat (With One Hypothetical Exception)

3. Papaya: Papaya looks very delicious, but in fact it is sinister, dastardly, and tastes like soil. About once a year I get beguiled by a papaya and I give it another shot. These experiments invariably end in tears. The only enjoyable way to consume papaya is when you get it from Gray's Papaya with a hot dog. Strangely, then, it's about the best thing ever.

2. Peaches: Get a good peach and you're in heaven. But when do you ever get a good peach? Never. That's when. I suppose it's theoretically possibly that if you went down south and stood under a peach tree and ate a peach during a fourteen minute period during high summer, you might experience peach greatness, but how many of us ever reach this peach-vana? I think most people likely go through life and have one, maybe two, positive peach experiences. Really, peach Jelly Bellies are probably your best bet for perfect peach flavor, and when the candy manifestations of a fruit outperform the fruit itself by a wide margin, you're looking at a waste of potential.

1. Pomegranate: Always, ALWAYS!, a let down. Mother Nature, you were really onto something here. But then you got carried away with the seeds! Why couldn't you control yourself? How fertile does one plant really need to be to?What was your plan for the pomegranate? That it become the dominant plant on Earth? Can you imagine if pomegranates were structured like apples? If there were just a few seeds and the rest was all that crispy red flesh? Holy moley! We'd never eat anything else. It's heartbreaking. Pomegranates are the Len Bias of fruit.

Two Foods I Would Always Eat

2. English Muffins: Let's say you're walking out the door of your fave restaurant just having eaten the greatest meal of your life. You're stuffed. Completely sated. And just as the woman is helping you on with your coat, a waiter comes up and offers you a perfectly-toasted, buttery English Muffin. Do you eat it? Of course you do. P = English Muffin, Q = Eat It. If P, then Q. It's an immutable law of the universe.

1. Lobster: I was trying to think of an occasion on which I would not eat a lobster and the only scenario I could devise is this: I am being held captive by a race of giant, malevolent lobsters and they offer me a lobster as test. In that case, I would say no. But you can bet your bottom dollar as soon as I was released or rescued, I'd go eat lobster to make up for the missed opportunity.